An Open Letter to the Daughters of Chimamanda

a really cool pink circle I like

My dear readers,

I have come again, my people. Honestly, I am tired, stressed, and frustrated with the rate at which all these women are selling their souls to this feminist, the brouhaha is simply too much.

Before I go into today’s business let me first address some comments from my last post, The Westerners are Coming: to @katdaddy1234, your real father is the one that is mad, not me. @Ndukzz thank you very much my brother but I am just a humble mortal saying what needs to be said. Aunty Teni @Tentoes! Thank you, o! I’m happy that you’re one of the few women out here who actually have sense and our embracing our country’s true values, becoming a strong responsible religious woman. May God bless you. @Loverboy, you’ve come again. You are not a real man if you support all this nonsense and so therefore, I have no response to you. Look at how everybody in the comments insulted you last week. Come, are you not tired? Bringing foolish ‘statistics’ and ‘justifications’. Honestly my brother, I pity you.

Tomorrow, I intend to publish a new piece that has been sitting on my mind for a while and I think it is very relevant in today’s Nigeria where all of you women, frankly, lack purpose. It is going to be called, How To be a Nigerian Woman. I can already imagine Pastor Philemon Joshua smiling at me now, God bless you papa, I saw your comment and I will surely make you proud.

Do you know what I think you people’s problem is? And this is directed to the women who think that that woman, that evil sorceress, Chimamanda is speaking sense. You people are reaching too far, what is this ‘equality’? Come, this is not how it was in my day, the women then knew their place and stayed there! They were also very happy and content, ask your mothers they will confirm for me.

I was even just telling my daughter, Chidinma, how it was back in the day. But alas, her mother, a foolish woman, left me a few months ago and has gone to start one stupid business but me, I’m not bothered. No matter how many millions the news says she has or how many records she has broken, I know that she will still come back to me in the end. Because every woman needs a man, it’s science, I mean my people, just look at your bibles. Why else do you think God created Adam and Eve? And Adam first while Eve second. Come on, let’s think about this thoroughly. Chidinma, being fifteen of course, doesn’t know much and always tells me about the luxuries her deviant mother can afford, things like fresh food, electricity and the like. I just remind her that soon, like Pastor Philemon said, our luck will reverse. The seed I donated last Sunday made sure of it.

But not to fear, in my post tomorrow, all will be cleared. I strongly believe that you young women of today lack simple direction. My friend, Niyi (@Niyi4dbabez) was just saying it yesterday, “They don’t even know what they want, if we are being frank. What are they really fighting for?” And so, I have come to save you people, to give you the guidance that only a man can provide because in truth, men, and not you, are the only ones that can define for you what it truly means to be a woman and not just a woman, but a true Nigerian woman.

Till tomorrow.

Regards,

Michel Ewu.

Anthony Azekwoh is a Nigerian-based author and artist. He has written five books so far, and is now working on the sequel to his fourth book Ṣàngó, Oya.

Anthony Azekwoh is a Nigerian-based author and artist. He has written five books so far, and is now working on the sequel to his fourth book Ṣàngó, Oya.